How bad can your luck be? -

Hello Basilers,

-sigh- I've had some bad luck recently. It's bizarre, like Murphy's law is actually affecting me. Here, check it out:

1. My radio, harddisc recorder, Tv, DvD player, computer and MP3 player are all broken
2. I screwed up an essay for Linguistics
3. My Linguistics book won't be sent in from Cambridge and I'll have to make do with copied Master Copies, but someone keeps stealing the Master Copies and I'll be having an exam within 3 weeks
4. For the subject Didactics I'll have to actually teach a class. But I'm not experienced and teens hate me!
5. When I checked my old school for the teacher I'd have to contact to make an arrangement for the classes I discovered my horrible English teacher had come back. He's a great teacher, but he scares the hell out of me
6. I'm having to do 6 presentations and 5 essays (of together more than 20000 words) within 3 months. That is more than the three previous years added up.
7. My courses are somehow very boring and demanding this semester, I only like Literature Classes
8. I'm actually considering canceling Diactics for now and do it next year, when I've gained more fluency and hopefully more self esteem.

But if I did so my parents would skin me alive. I procrastinated one year already and did American Studies (but didn't finish). I'm afraid Didactics is going to take so so much time and effort that it will endanger my main study (English Language and Culture), not to mention the stress it'll bring with it!
My parents will probably call me weak and lazy. They have decided that EVERY student finishes his/her Bachelor within 3 years and his/her Master in one more year. Bullshit. It takes most students more than 6 years. They (my parents) say those are bad students, though. I wasn't even planning to finish my Bachelor this year; I wanted to do all the subjects this year and write the book (every Bachelor must write a book) next year while redoing some first and second year subjects having to do with pronunciation and teaching. That way I would be able to focus more on the Bachelor Essay without having to be distracted by essays and exams.
Many students do it this way. My parents think not. Oh nonononono. Students aren't lazy. They always attend every lecture and tutorial. They aways get 8 or higher out of 10 and they looooooove their courses, studies, essays, presentations, tutors. Okay, my tutors are all nice, but I seriously do fall asleep during Philology. Not that hard, cause that tutorial is held from 8.30pm to 10pm and last time it dealth with the Oxford English Dictionary; something I know enough about already.

Legally my Bachelor can take me 4 years and my Master another 2-3 years. I won't have to pay my state funding back until my study has taken me more than 10 years. I'm planning to finish it in 5 or 6, so I'll finish in about average time (for a woman that is, for men it's 8-9 years, I think). My parents think I should be above average, better than everybody. I should study 8-10 hours a day on top of my tutorials and lectures, with the only breaks being my morning newspaper, lunch, dinner and an hour of Knight Rider. On Monday student choir, on Sunday and Thursday nights Karate. Ad the more student associations the better. (I hate large groups of people...)

Why do they expect so much of me? Why can't I just be mediocre? It may sound arrogant, but as a Dutch university student I outsmart at least 90% of the Dutch people. I did a few tests and those said I outsmart 95% of the Dutch people. I'm already above average. Why do I have to be above the averge of the above agerage? Why am I a billboard of my parents saying "Look how great a child my parents produced"?

They don't take me the way I am. When I tell them that they tell me I should change, then. I wanted to become an Eglish teacher and still do, but I'm not sure of what kind of English teacher I want to become. They have decided I'm going to become a secondary school teacher. It seems fun to me.... but.... I've got one major problem.

Teens hate me.

I'm pretty lively for a 22 year old. I've got a lot of energy. I hop around (literally), like to run for fun, pace in stead of walk and can sometimes have outbursts.
Because of that children of between 4 and 12 years of age love me. They regard me as one of them.
Adults of 30 and up love me too. As Tiger-Sensei told me: "Mir, you still have a child inside of you and I like that about you." (well, I think that was what she was trying to say) I'm a good listener and many things interest me, so older people like to talk with me because I find their stories interesting and because I don't mind helping them in the household a little. I have a somewhat blunt and dark sense of humour people like about me.

But teens... Well, you probably know the stereotype of the male teen hanging in his chair in class, with a cap on his head, ready to fall asleep, and the stereotype of the female teens proudly showing off her charming new boobies and trying to impress the males around her. Not saying all teens are like that, but somehow I manage to run into those all the time. And here is why they dislike me:

1. Though I'm lively in private or when I feel at ease I'm uncertain and shy in large groups
2. I don't care about aesthetics and don't have a sense of fashion; actually I don't really care for what I'm wearing
3. I'm not exactly what one would call "pretty", "delicate" or "beautiful"
4. My hair looks great when I've just combed it, but within 10 minutes it changes into a spiderweb
5. I'm naive when it comes to other people's feelings; I don't notice when someone's down and don't know how to deal with it, I can also blurt out totally stupid things
6. Most of the time I'm quiet, but sometimes I have an outburst and want to be seen and heard. This makes people uneasy about me
7. I'm very closed up, kind of the opposite of what I am on Basil. I don't let people in
8. I'm brash and brutal; a tomboy. And too lively for teens.

I'm asking my Didactics tutor for advice and also my old mentor; he's a man I feel relatively comfortable around. There are only two people I feel really comfortable around and those are my buddies Valster and Rolffan. They take me the way I am. So does my mentor, but he hears and points out ever little speaking error I make. XD

I think the only person who knows what's going on is Tiger-Sensei, though she never asked. That's because some time ago she went on some kind of "Must make Mir feel better" mission. She purposely had me dancing a Kata in front of about 15 people and gave me a peptalk in advance saying how she was proud of me and how I should be proud of myself. When I was done she applauded me and again said she was proud. She often did things like rubbing my arm when I passed by, kept telling me to be proud of myself, complimented me on everything I did (even when it was something I had already passed an exam for) and called me "sweetie" or "honey" on occasion. I also think she urged Dragon-sensei to use me as a Yoshu during a Beginner lesson. (and Dragon introduced me as a "very good Karateka and a good help", though I had never helped her before)
Isn't it curious that my Karate Senseis seem to feel understand more about me than my own parents? My parents love me very much, but they're both primarily partner and secondarily parent. They care more for each other than for me and my brothers and when I'm insecure about something they don't hear me out or give me advice, but get angry and shout at me before I have fully told them about the issue. Also , when my Dad is proud of me, he tells EVERYBODY about it exept me, but when he's for some reason angry with me he tells EVERYBODY AND ME. Three times. I confronted him with that and guess what; he got angry. ("So if you've been becritisized you want to be compensated by compliments? Well, that isn't how this world is, girl, the world doesn't revolve around you! You don't act your age, and that makes me sad. Look at your niece-"

Why can't I be me? I want to do things leisurely. I can't do things leisurely. Eveything must be done in a hurry, even to MapleStory there are unwritten laws that tell you how fast you must level.

I hope the mentor meeting will be productive. The man is objective. He AND my Senseis will help me better than anyone else. If not I'll face my old English teacher. He too helped me a lot and helped me get into university. He knew what I was capable of and how to coach me. He kicked my butt, told me what my capabilities are and even made me his teacher's pet. I always thought he hated me, but according to my father I was his favourite student. He was mean to me because he knew he had to be mean to me. Maybe I need him to be mean to me again.

Touz

PS: Oh no... I'm EMO! Damn, join the club, Touz. ><*