The Unwinding Cable Car -

link

before you continue on this blog, please watch the video first. Warning, very long.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

So, assuming you've watched the video, or at least listened to it ( you really have to watch it to get the full meaning ), you've just seen a video I've seen at work, and a video that's haunting me.

What will I be remembered for?

What mark will I leave behind?

Who will remember me when I'm gone?

What is my life worth?

Right now, I don't see what I'll be remembered for. I mean seriously, what damn important thing do I do with my life? Make people sandwiches and salads at a pizza place. I doubt anyone would come to my funeral who ate something I made and be all " She made the best chicken caesar salad ever, I can't believe she's dead " or " she made an awesome meatball sub, it's such a shame she died ". Let's get real here, that's not going to happen. So what am I really doing at this job? It's not making me happy, and I'm not doing anything special. It's just another soul sucking, paycheck to paycheck living job.

Right now, my life is worth a whopping 7$ an hour. I know, I bet you're all so fucking jealous that I make so much goddamn money. I can't remember where I read it, but the big american buisness man makes FOUR HUNDRED TIMES the average blue collar worker makes. In Japan it's a MUCH smaller difference. Rich people get all the opportunity they can buy, can go to exclusive schools because of their connections, and get further and further ahead of those who don't have the money to spare. Celebrities get endorsement deal after endorsement deal just because they're lucky enough ( or in some cases, rich enough ) to get noticed and become "famous". Athletes get paid millions of fucking dollars a year, and in some cases, have GUARANTEED contracts, so even if they can't play due to an injury and all they can do is sit on their ass, they're still getting millions of fucking dollars a year, to sit on their ass, because of a guaranteed contract.

I have a book that's been burning up inside me to write lately. I sneak breaks at work to go in the back and scribble down every precious line that comes to me, every single person who gives me some grain of inspiration, through their hard work, their incredible stoner lifestyle, or their rich bitch attitude that makes them think they're so much better than me, or anyone else who works the same job as I do, because I make their food, therefor, I'm lowly and servantile to them. When it's dead in the restaurant, I sit in one of the booths watching the videos roll on and on, throwing down line after line that comes to me, even if it comes out of order and in some undecipherable jumble. When it's busy, I feed the ticket paper out and scrawl down words to shove into my pocket between orders. You know what I find kind of ironic about it? If I had never been in this situation, if I had been some rich spoiled brat, I'd never have these experiences, that I'd never have this story to tell.

I want to turn it into a screenplay eventually, I think that it'll be much better told visually than my crappy haphazard writing of actions and situations. Dialogue is the one thing I think I have a strong point in, and being able to make a scene visual, but writing about the scene down on paper just seems to take away the power of it. It seems forced and unnatural. But when I'm writing as if I'm speaking as my character, I can feel the power of my character coming out of my pen or pencil.

I bet you're all thinking what the hell does this have to do with anything? Well, lately, I've been thinking I probably won't come back to maplestory. The time has come for me to make something of my life, to finally do what I love, and allthough maple has been a huge thing in my life the past 2 years, I think my addiction to it has been slowing me down. I've spent over 1000$ in the past 2 years on this "free" game. I've spent countless hours of my life playing this game endlessly, laying around alone in my room instead of going out with what few friends I have. I'm not sure if I'll stick to the whole not coming back thing, it'd feel like a waste of money if I completely quit, to be honest, and I've been missing everyone like crazy insane. I've been trying out different character classes in a private server ( message me for the name of the server and IGNs, if you want to find me ) and I do enjoy maple still.

Anyways, I think I've rambled on long enough for now.

EDIT: Oh, Kyle and Chris, I trust that neither of you will go into my account while I'm not on maple/making my decision about what to do. I'd appreciate it if you guys would not go on it until I've decided what to do.