Brilliant real life quotes -

So now and then things we want to say don't come out the way we intended. They can turn out bad, but they can also turn out great. I'm listing a couple of fun ones here. Feel free to add yours and produce some fun!

My oldest little brother: "I'M DOING ALL THE WORK HERE WHILE YOU'RE JUST SITTING ON YOUR BAZY LUTTS... WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"
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My father: *swirls into the room and sings* "Why don't you all get cholera... why don't you all drop dead..." *disappears again*
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Rolf Koster (Dutch singer): *accidentally gets fake blood on his hands* "God-shall-me... T_T" *wipes his hands of on a metal cage, then on a nearby curtain, then on the floor, then on a large wooden chest, then on a big doll and then finally on his pants*
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Languagy Aqcuisition tutor: "Say after me, Hendrik. 'After my thirthieth version I felt I had become exhausted.'"
Hendrik: "After my thirt- thirt-ie-th virgin I felt I had become exhausted."
Language Aqcuisition tutor: "Pardon?" o_O"
Me: *a little too loud* "No wonder he's exhausted."
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Viccar: "I ain't talking shit here in this service...!"
People: o_O"
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Blue-belt Karateka: *plays a scene from House of Flying Daggers* "...and then Mei did this-" *prepares for a flying kick but trips spectacularly and falls on her face*
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Tiger-Sensei: "Dragon-Sensei, will you give me a right Mae Geri, please?"
Dragon-Sensei: *kicks with her left foot*
Tiger-Sensei: "The other right, dear."
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My father: *in English, looking for an underground in London* "Where can I find a metro, please?"
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Me: *while an ambulance races by* "I'm going to put my ears in my fingers for a sec."
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Tiger-Sensei: *spills beer in my lap* "Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry... And you're teetotal! I spill beer on the only teetotaller we have here! *realises something* Now you're going to stink all over my car, aren't you?"
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Me: *tries to decode Rolf's autograph* "It says 'Rlf Ksoter'."
Valster: "No, it's 'Rolf Koter'."
Rolffan: "I think it says 'Rolf Kotser'." (Rolf "Barfer"

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Youngest grandmother: "Do you want a breadspread, honey?"
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Yellow-Belter: "Dragon-Sensei, would you like a croissant with cheese?"
Dragon-Sensei: *in English* "Oh, yes, pleas'."
Yellow-Belter: "There's SHEEP and GOAT cheese on them."
Dragon-Sensei: *puts croissant back* *Dutch* "Sorry, I don't like shit- *English* wait... no..."
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Purple-Belter: *after two hours of training on a cold beach* "Anyone going to swim today?"
Tiger-Sensei: "Only the die hards, I think, MIR." *looks at me*
Dragon-Sensei: *English* For me it'd just be dyin'... without the hard."
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Dragon-Sensei: *half English, half Dutch*: "I'm not feelin' oright t'day, so I'm a little slower than usual." *spars the crap out of me* Y'okay?"
Me: "How do you mean 'I'm a little slower than usual'?" @_@
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Brown Belter: *resolutely holds up six fingers* "Today we are going to practice the seven Gogekis."
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Me: "Once I've grabbed someone's head... In the normal Kata people bash their own fists against their chests."
Tiger-Sensei: "You shouldn't do that."
Me: *nods*
Tiger-Sensei: "Here, grab my head and pull me towards you."
Me: *grabs and pulls*
Tiger-Sensei: *HEADBUTS*
Me: "AAAAHHHH!" *has all the wind knocked out of self*
Tiger-Sensei: "See? That's why."
Me: *thinks* "Holy crap, there was a lesbian woman with her head between my boobs just a few seconds ago! LOL!"
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Tiger-Sensei: "Where the head goes, the rest of the body goes. Mir's my Yoshu (assistant) today. Therefore I can floor her. *does so* How does that feel, Mir?"
Me: "Ow..."
Tiger-Sensei: "It is important that you keep your opponent under control, by for example locking her arm and sitting on her." *plants a knee between my shoulderblades and one knee on my biceps*
Me: "Ohhh..."
Tiger-Sensei: "Yes, that hurts. ^_^
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Tiger-Sensei: "Assuming someone grabs my breasts. Mir, go ahead."
Me: "Sorry? o_O"
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Me: *has a loose belt and has not noticed*
Tiger-Sensei: "It may happen *notices loose belt* that on the streets *goes to stand near me* someone might aspproach you *begins to tie my belt the right way* and commits an unwanted intimacy." *is done fixing my belt*
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Tiger-Sensei: *during the starting ceremony* Kashiune... Yame...
Renee: *walks in and waits at the door*
Tiger-Sensei: "Renee. I mean: Orei."
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Tiger-Sensei: *during a closing ceremony* Kashiune... Yame...
Yellow Belter: "Oh nay!" *is lying with her forehead on the floor*
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Violinboy: *on an English roadway* "What does that sign mean; "No hard shoulder for 100 yards"?
Me: *bored* "It means they didn't bury any corpses for the coming 100 or so meters."
Violinboy: o_O"
Valster: "She's got a bit of a dark sense of humour."
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Violinboy: *extremely bored*: "Let's count Dutch cars in the Netherlands!" ^_^
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Quote on Basil: "If u dont go away i'll ks u with my sexless hermit"
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Dragon-Sensei: *in English and deadpan faced* "I'm now going to cunt to ten. Oh no. Not "cunt". "Count".
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English teacher: *reads aloud with passion* "The generals debelib-"
Class: *cracks up*
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Me: *has a speach defect and can't pronounce English "S"* "Shally shaid: 'why don't you take a shit?(seat)'"
Language Aqcuisition Tutor: "Did you do that on purpose?"
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Dragon Sensei: *tries to help me fix that speach defect* "She sells seashell around the sea-shore."
Me: "She shell sheashells around the shea DAMN!"
Dragon-Sensei: "No, dot's nah it."