So....... [edittedddd] -

Waiting for the phone to ring is one of the worst feelings.....

Anyway, how I came to think so:
My bf is in California. in the desert. for his annual training with the Army. and he can only call at like 10 pm my time (7 pm his). and it sucks. because I don't have a cell phone, so I have to grab the cordless house phone and wait for it to ring.
I can't call him because he wouldn't be allowed to answer it, and his phone isn't working out there.
and he won't be back for another three weeks. and I fucking miss him. I had a terrible day, but he wasn't around to make it better... which is depressing, becuase I can't tell him that I had a bad day because it will make his day worse because he would have wanted to be here to cheer me up. because he loves me and wants to be here for me.... anyway... I guess I'm just gonna keep typing because none of my friends irl really want to hear about it, and none of you really want to hear about it either, so you can stop reading if you wish, this is just me being me, which is worried... anyway (lol i use the word anyway a lot. I get sidetracked so often) ... yesterday, he called and we talked for like 3 minutes. He had a bad day, he was caught in a sandstorm all day, then when he was able to go eat dinner, they ran out of food, so he was hungry. and I felt really bad, but I couldn't do anything for him. It sucked... anyway, after that he said he was going to go see if he could find food anywhere else.
i dunno. I just want him back home... I miss him. I miss his hugs, his kisses, his voice, his laughter, his smile, his eyes... yeah... I miss him... anyway... thanks for letting me spill my worries out here? o.O oh wait. Back to why I hate waiting for the phone to ring. I'm worried that he might get hurt. Don't know why, but I am. I always am. Like the one time he was over at my house, helped us plant like 400 trees for a community project and then went home to take a shower and said he'd be right back. But I called him like 3 times and he didn't answer until like 8 and he had left at 3. That scared me. Anyway... I hate waiting for the phone to ring, don't you?

EDIT
The best feeling in the world is the elation that comes after he calls though. It is the "somebody loves me for me" feeling that makes your heart feel light and puts a smile on your face. If I could bottle that feeling and save it, I would never feel depressed again, I would never feel the need to cry, I would never feel ashamed of my mistakes. It is the feeling that you know that he is out there thinking of you, and you are here thinking of him, and no matter how much you want him to be by your side once again, you know that even if he is thousands of miles away, he still loves you, and you still love him. The best feeling in the world is knowing someone cares. ^-^

~Icky