Venting Crazy part 3 -

Now with more EPIC.

Nelson Mandela said: "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
"

I saw this in a book today, and to be honest, i've seen it before, but today, my thoughts immediately turned towards theshinji.

To be blunt, lately i've considered deleting it. If certain things go as badly as I think they might, it's going to be very tough to find joy in playing the character. And even though I like the pet, i'll never be able to use a husky again.

As soon as I read this quote though, A new attachment to the character was formed. Think about it - Theshinji (and this applies to all of you, with your individual characters) is an extension of me. The characters is, to get to the point, an expression of my potential to do whatever the hell I put my mind to. I started playing, and immediately wanted to catch the people I was there to socialise with. I was told i'd never make it to 70, and here I am with the ease of crashing into the top 20 Paladins with relative ease.

Theshinji is (to me at least), quite simply, A mental symbol of the effort i'm willing to go to when i actually care. Thinking of it like that, it feels horrible that I considered it. Maybe i'm taking it too seriously, but I don't keep anything around unless I like it, or it has sentimental value. (referring to possessions only) To be fair, Theshinji possesses both qualities.

I might be back to training soon. I dunno. I'm still kinda 'meh' either way at the moment.

Moving on to another subject, and as cheri will attest, not many of you are going to like this. Regarding recent problems: As much as I say i'm making ultimatums and demanding change, I made a promise once. I basically promised I would never walk away unless I was told to. I promised not to abandon Dawn Marie, aand so, I can't. I'm still waiting on the off chance of seeing her. I'm still trying to get emails through, and stillw ant to work things out. Until she can say she doesn't want me and clearly mean it, i'm not going to walk away. Ironically, it is her influence that has given me this kind of attitude. I don't care how much I get hurt, to be blunt. If things are either sorted, or she tells me to leave, it'll be ok sooner or later. I know some of you worry, and i'm sorry for putting you in that position, but i'm big enough and ugly enough to take it

Finally, on the subject of basil: WTF is with the mass drama over the zak schedule lately? It's very rare when i'll DEFEND sleepywood, but anyone suggesting the scrapping of the schedule altogether clearly has no experience of a chaotic altar. Crashers are bad enough, if these nubs got away with making it a free for all, they'd never get the helms they so desperately want. GG@logic.