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2Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface)
welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the
four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some
overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos .
Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the
south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year
over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our
engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to
turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve
complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious
passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there
really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be
visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to
slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as
close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too
close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right
through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off
and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can't find a seatbelt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
Enjoy Nigeria Airways